Beast
by pinkpower
Summary: A look into the lives of Bella, Edward, and Jacob if Renesmee had never been born. R&R!


**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. **

**Warning: Rated 'M' for abortion, death, and minor strong language. Lots of grammatical errors for now. I shall fix it in due time. Don't like, don't read.**

_Somewhere there's speaking_

_It's already coming in_

_Oh, and it's rising in the back of your mine_

_You never would get it_

_Unless you were fed it_

_Vertical Horizon, "Everything You Want"_

Bella Maria Swan-Cullen, with her long, fragile fingers daintily dancing across the bulge of her stomach, stared off into space as her vampire best friend and adoptive sister, Alice, kindly pleaded with her sounding so much like Edward. A heavy frown became deeply imprinted in her feeble features while Bella was trying hard not to let rapid tears fall from her fading brown eyes, and contemplated the irreplaceable existence of her soul's only counterpart, Edward Cullen. Of course, every single time he had gone on about the 'abomination' draining the life from her, Bella grudgingly listened and soaked in all of his fear.

"Please, Bella," Alice went on with Bella, with her hands folded together in a groveling manner from the chair next to the couch where Bella was sitting. "If not for yourself, do it for Edward—because he needs you. If anything were to happen to you, I think you know exactly what will happen. He'd go to the Volturri again and-"

The brunette sighed, feeling an emotional lump build in the back of her throat. She already loved her beautiful, little nudger, but everyone (except Rosalie) appeared to be on Edward's side. He kept on believing that EJ would be the one to kill her and Edward would somehow be too late to save her.

What if he was right? What if the baby ended up not being the precious bundle of innocence and love Bella wanted, but the monster Jacob and Edward complained about?

"Bella, his soul would be damned. Don't do that to him," Alice finished with a genuinely hopeful tone that Bella was taking in her advice.

_Edward_, Bella exhaled mentally, patting her belly soothingly. A world without him just didn't make sense. How could she ever be the one responsible for hurting him like that? _And Jacob_. He wasn't very fond of EJ either, also siding with Edward—which _never_ happened. They couldn't both be wrong when it came to identifying monsters.

"Okay," Bella choked painfully, mentally saying her bitter farewells to her little nudger. She would never get to see EJ playing around as his proud papa taught him how to hit a baseball, or EJ's amazing emerald eyes staring attentively up at her. "Go get Carlisle."

"What?" Alice questioned, dismayed at Bella's easy submission.

"You win. I will never forgive myself for going through with this, Alice, but I _can't _be the one to kill Edward." A few tears trickled from her eyes, and she speedily wiped them away. "He's more important."

"No!" The blonde vampire bellowed, appearing next to Bella in that very instant. "You can't, Bella! Think of the baby!"

"I have, Rosalie," Bella answered sorrowfully, defending her new point of view on the matter. "I know you disapprove and I don't blame you, but I love Edward. Alice is right. My death would damn his soul."

"Don't do this, Bella!" Rosalie shouted, fear and sadness welling up in her golden orbs.

"That's enough from you! I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to do the right thing for Edward." Bella turned her attention back to Alice. "Now go get Carlisle, and inform him about what needs to be done before I change my mind again. He has to remove _it_."

There was no longer a point to referring to the fetus as any sort of human being.

. . .

. . .

_I want what's yours_

_And I want what's mine_

_I want you_

_But I'm not givin' in this time_

_Michelle Branch, "Goodbye to You"_

He should have felt triumph. He should have felt success, but Jacob Black did not. As soon as he had come upon the joyous news about Bella's awaited abortion after returning from a pack meeting with Seth and Leah, something deep within in his soul shattered to pieces.

"Wow," Jacob murmured, a little surprised by Bella's change of heart. "So you're really going to get rid of that beast?"

"Yep," Bella replied, lying on the couch. "Carlisle and Edward are setting things up properly, so I imagine I'll be empty again in about an hour or so." She had managed to smile, but Jacob knew it was all a lie. Bella still wanted that miniature freak of nature. "I don't think I'll ever be the same after this, Jake."

"It's all for the better, Bells. You shouldn't worry," the werewolf said, an awful taste in his mouth as the words came spinning out of his mouth.

What had ever happened to his carefree days? When did he ever encourage baby-killing? The kid he used to be would most definitely hate the selfish jerk had had turned into. Ugh, _why_ did he care so much now? Jacob wanted this—the abortion to take place. That monster was killing Bella!

"I know," she nodded solemnly. "I'm doing the right thing for everybody. Sam's pack won't have to attack us and I don't have to hear anyone complain about my choices." The last bit was said with so much venom and hatred that, just for a minute, Jacob thought he was speaking with Victoria's ghost.

"Do you want me to stay here for you?" Jacob asked, secretly hoping that Bella would decline his offer. He didn't feel right anymore about what was to come. He wanted to get as far away from the Cullen house as humanly possible.

"No, but thank you," Bella retorted nonchalantly.

Jacob nodded gratefully, hearing the nausea in his best friend's voice. He understood that she was politely ordering him to leave this place for good. This was the end of the line, and he would never see Bella again.

"I guess I'll get out of here then," Jacob announced, glancing around the household one last time and drank it all in—from the china plates displayed over the chimney to the paintings hanging on every wall. "See ya around?"

"You bet."

_Liar!_ Jacob accused Bella from the safety of his mind.

No, it was time for goodbye. Two best friends were parting. Two could-have-been lovers were at last ready to bring an end to all this agony they put each other through. And as Jacob put one hand on the doorknob, he stole one more look at Bella, his first love. What would his life transform into without her? Then he gazed upon her stomach with that demon spawn nesting inside of it, and he felt a bizarre wave of dread wash over him.

With a heavy heart and his feet all but rooted to the ground, Jacob finally walked away.

. . .

. . .

_I wanna be by your side_

_So I can close my eyes_

_And crawl to the emptiness inside_

_That kills me when I'm with you_

_Kaci Brown, "Unbelievable"_

They all stared, that's all they could do. It was Bella that had to be the first to look away from the tiny form. A part of her had become eternally frozen, or maybe it was merely death that had approached her. She had been the ultimate reason for her nudger's murder, and Carlsile only did as he was instructed.

"No," an inconsolable Bella sobbed into Edward's chest.

Edward felt blank with emotion, gazing upon Carlisle's own saddened expression as the others remained silent. The gentle doctor cradled a lifeless baby—a beautiful, lily white-skinned, breathless baby with barely sprouted bronze hairs sticking to its pale scalp.

"It would have been a girl," Carlisle grimaced, looking directly at Edward.

The seventeen year-old vampire merely nodded in reply. Running his slender fingers through Bella's brown locks, he realized he was useless at comforting Bella. After many weeks of attempting to convince her that the abortion was the only solution at protecting her life, and now the deed was complete. There was no monstrosity to be afraid of, no dangerous creature to worry about terminating, and there never was. Edward had been devastatingly wrong about everything. His and Bella's would-have-been daughter was an infant like any other, yet—all thanks to him—they would never get to cherish the wonder of watching their baby girl grow into a proper, young lady.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward whispered whole-heartedly. "We'll give it-"

"Renesmee," Bella corrected angrily. "I would have named her Renesmee, after Renee and Esme," she continued, slightly spiteful. She let go of her husband. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen."

"Right," Edward replied patiently, inwardly cringing at the fantasy of a smiling child twirling about the household in a frilly dress Alice would stick her in—a memory that would never have the opportunity to form. "I suppose we should give Renesmee her deserved grave."

"Yes, of course," Carlisle agreed.

"Rosalie's already two steps ahead of you," Alice said, noting that Rose was nowhere in sight. Instead, there was the sound of a shovel being forced beneath the dirt outside, signaling where Rosalie was. Alice, as well, couldn't help but stare down at the petite corpse. "Are you okay, Bella?"

The weak human snapped her head to the side to deliver a ferocious glower at Alice, her fawn eyes filled with liquid fire and resent.

"You abort your only chance at a child," she began, accidentally averting her gaze to the dead Renesmee, "and let's see how you react! Carlise. . ." Bella paused, trying to blink away the stinging tears. "Give me my baby."

"Bella, I don't-"

"Now!" Bella demanded, shouting at the top of her lungs. Carlisle reluctantly complied, handing over Renesmee to her mother. Bella painfully twitched her lips into a painful frown as her salty raindrops of tears slid from her eyes and onto the baby's body.

Bella rocked the precious unborn gently in her arms, and cried louder. Her hands swept across Renesmee's icy flesh, her fingers getting acquainted with the child's pale cheeks, her soft chin, and her copper hair. In fact, Renesmee seemed to be the spitting image of her father.

She moaned—a sound that longed to remedy her heart's suffering, a plea for a second chance, and a scream that conveyed loss, sorrow, and despair. It was the worst pain in the universe, even more terrible than those endless months she had endured without Edward. Only this time Jacob wouldn't be there to revive Bella from her depression, and what she lost would never come back.

"Forgive me," Edward begged, knowing full well that he was an undeserving candidate. "I did this to you."

. . .

. . .

_We built it up_

_To watch it fall_

_Like we never meant _

_Anything at all_

_-Nick Lachey, "I Can't Your Anymore"_

In seven years time, Bella is a pathetic excuse for a strigoi. She had all but commanded Edward to turn her into an immortal like him; mostly, it was a punishment for obeying the others instead of listening to her heart. Even if she did want any other children that would never be Renesmee, she couldn't now, and she would have to live with this regret for all eternity. Bella was just a soulless monster, not bothering to maintain a vegetarian diet—much to Carlisle's annoyance and her own glee.

"Oh, do you ever shut up with that God damned piano of yours?!" Bella yelled, snarling aggressively as she burst through the front doors smelling of another man's orgasm and fresh blood. Once upon a time, she had loved to listen to the soft music of Edward's favorite instrument, but over the years she had grown to loathe the sound. Every time the music assaulted her eardrums, the sound scorned her.

Edward ignored Bella, his wife, as he had for years. The only place he found content was in the ivory keys; his nimble digits waltzed about the piano, and produced an eerie, light, and sad composition. Only ever stopping to hunt, he played all day and all night. He had composed the song for his mind's gorgeous obsession—the never would-be Renesmee.

Ever since that earth-shattering abortion, Edward started to envision a young girl that dashed through the forest as a giddy smile was forever adorned on her mouth. He and the unborn child played a game of tag with Bella laughing somewhere in the background. Edward would sweep Renesmee into his open arms and embrace the girl closely, soaking in the purity of her light. In this strange daydream, Renesmee was alive and well whilst his vampire bride was, too, at peace with herself. He was much more satisfied living in this dream world instead of ever returning the cruel actuality.

"Hello, you moron!" Bella huffed, slamming her hand down harshly on the piano. "You're such a pathetic, dull thing!"

"Go away, Bella," Edward hissed. "Can't you go have playtime with some other poor soul and suck them dry?"

Bella smirked, always happy to get a rise out of her idiotic mate. "What's wrong, Eddie? Dead yet?"

Edward narrowed his black-night eyes in a glare. Try as he might, though, he could not bring himself to loathe Bella; it was an impossible task. He knew why she acted so dreadfully. It was because of him and what he forced her into. The morose was written all over her—in her intense crimson orbs, on her silky white face forever set in a scowl, and into her fierce body language. They both died on that day, September 10th, all those years ago. In their places were a bitter Bella and a depressed Edward, poor imitations of the real people.

"I don't want a confrontation, love," Edward finally replied and returned to his music.

"Bella!" Esme called from the kitchen. "Alice is on the phone for you!"

Awhile back, Jasper had started to become fed up with all the hatred and melancholy feelings that radiated from Edward and Bella. They were driving Jasper to the brink of lunacy. With much consideration, Alice decided it would be best for her mate that they leave the Cullens, and join forces with Peter and Charlotte. Soon after, Rosalie and Emmett followed their example and high-tailed it out of there. Unable to forgive Bella and Edward for their shared sin, Rosalie refused to reside in the same abode with either of them. Although Emmett would miss his vampire family, he knew that there was just no fixing this breaking family. Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and Bella were the small pieces of proof that the clan ever existed.

"Tell her to fuck off," she retorted seething. "That bitch abandoned us a long time ago, remember?"

With a wince, Esme let out an unnecessary sigh and fleeted into the kitchen.

Bella needed to escape; she was sick of all these familiar faces of the people she once considered to be like family. Now, she hated each and every one of them!

. . .

. . .

_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_Nickelback, "Savin' Me"_

"Jacob," the syllables of his name being beckoned in a sing-song voice. "Come on, Jacob. Catch me if you can!"

The werewolf grinned to himself at the playful challenge. By some miracle on this stranger's part, Jacob had never managed to keep track of this woman. She was obviously in inhuman as he discovered some time ago; although, he could easily detect the abnormally beat of her heart and light blush underneath her porcelain skin.

He had made it a crucial point at one day catching up to the center of his insanity. There had been countless nights Jacob spent out on First Beach, believing that this girl—whom had had named Nessie—had been dancing around the shore, moving her hips to the song of the lapping waves, and smiling seductively in Jacob's direction. Whenever he moved from his spot to join her, Nessie started to sprint away. And so, he would chase her for as long as he could, and they would chortle along; the sound echoing deep in the forest. Not once had he ever caught her.

"You'll have to be faster than that, slow poke!" Nessie giggled, turning her head over her shoulder to glance at him. "You can do it!"

Breathing in this encouragement, Jacob pumped his legs faster, almost ready to go wolf. Despite never being able to catch up with her, Jacob loved this little game. He had the image of this beautiful woman burned into his memory—her long, curly bronze locks of hair, her flawless crème skin, and . . . he was positive that Bella's milk chocolate eyes had been copied into Nessie's. There were times Jacob thought he imprinted on the unsuspecting female, but rationally he knew that wasn't possible. She wasn't real, just a mirage of sorts. Jacob knew he was crazy.

"Jacob!" Nessie yelled, purposely slowing down her pace. This was finally it; he could practically feel the smoothness of her body against his fingertips.

"Nessie," he murmured coming within reach of his favorite dream. "You're mine," Jacob stated in a non-territorial manner, just pointing out the simple fact.

"Jake!" An intruder interrupted his daydream; somebody all too familiar bothering him. "You need to stop living in some fantasy world and come back to planet Earth. What happened to your sanity anyway?"

"Buzz of, Leah!" Jacob spat, walking away as she came into sight.

"It's your turn to patrol tonight. Sam sent me to find you," Leah growled—a growl so evil that it could put a lion to shame.

Not too long after Bella's abortion, the three rebels—Jacob, Seth, and Leah—had rejoined Sam's pack, and Leah had made it clear that she was not a happy camper about the situation. Even after all these years, she still hated his guts for not loving her back.

"Whatever," he muttered. "Now go away."

"I can't believe you! How can you talk to me like that?" Leah inquired, offended by Jacob's tone of voice.

Jacob turned around and glowered at her. "Like what, _Lee-Lee_? Like you're some bitter bitch that deluded herself into thinking that I could actually be in love with her? Ha! Like some skank I gave my virginity to so she could get over her lose ex-fiance? Like some chick I fucked over and over again while I compared you to some girl who doesn't even exist?" Tears spilled from Leah's intense orbs and Jacob mentally patted her shoulder over a job well done. "What now, Leah? You gonna cry? Go to Sam or your brother. I'm sure they'd care."

As if he had slapped her with those final few words, Leah phased and dashed off. Jacob was only happy to be rid of her; now he could spend some more quality time with his Nessie. He looked over to a tall spruce tree.

"You can come out, Nessie. She's gone now," he rejoiced seeing her pale figure emerge from the shadows. She was frowning at him. "What?"

"It's just. . . Long ago, Leah was almost a good friend to you and not even a minute ago, you wanted to reduce her to a pile of filth. That wasn't very nice of you, Jacob," Nessie explained always keeping a fair distance from Jake. "She'll never forgive you for those words. You're much worse than any bloodsucker."

Agreeing, he nodded. Every damn day, some sort of struggle between what Jacob had become and what he wanted to be took place within the prison of his human form. Jacob had disposed of many leeches on a daily basis, forever proud of the way they would plead for their lives and he would grant them no mercy. Although, he knew that he should feel guilty. But because he didn't, Jacob always was repulsed with himself.

He sighed. "I know."

"Then why, Jacob? Why do you continue to play this façade of some mindless animal? You could have been a great man." Nessie hesitantly walked closer. For the first time, Jacob looked upon the feet of his fixation. They were blanketed in purple bruises and fresh cuts. He concluded that it must have been from all that running through the woods. In the same instant, unreal teenager stood at his side, and carefully grasped his bloody hands. Her touch—it was like a redeeming epiphany; he reveled in it. "I know of a place not far from here. Your suffering can end."

"Show me," Jacob replied, memorized the texture of entwined russet and porcelain fingers.

"Of course. Follow me," she ordered patiently, disappearing into the rush of the wind with Jacob racing after her.

. . .

. . .

_Did that fill you with glee _

_To kill your little friend_

_Did that ease your suffering_

_Or bring it to an end_

_Let go. . ._

_Joseph LoDuca, "Let Go"_

With the rebirth of fresh blossoms, grasses, and other various articles of plant life, it was the sanctuary of the meadow that soaked in all of Fork's sunlight. There, Bella and Edward had spent many happy moments talking, over sometimes just studying one another's faces, as this was the spot they could seek refuge _together_. However, it now served as Renesmee's burial place. Bella thought it would be fitting for her daughter to be surrounded by pretty flowers.

"I failed you, Renesmee." Bella choked on a dry sob. "You'll never know how sorry I am. You would have the best little girl, and surely the most beautiful, but it's because of me that you'll never live."

Unlike Jacob and Edward, Bella's mind didn't try to create an ideal version of Renesmee, but as an alternative lingered on each dazed memory—from affectionately dubbing the baby as her little nudger and. . . and crying over Renesmee's tiny, motionless body. But the sickeningly sweet scent of her filled a beast's nostrils, as he watched the grieving vampire. Jacob just saw another sparkling bloodsucker that deserved to be annihilated for existing. _Oh, yes_. He was all too aware of who this particular leech was—his ex-best friend.

Phasing, Jacob burst out from the security of the bushes, and leapt onto Bella's back. His long claws sliced deeply through the vampire's flesh.

"Aah-uungh!" Bella screeched like a banshee. She freed herself from Jacob's hold, and braced herself as he prepared to launch himself at her again. "How dare you?!"

She dove for his front paw, sink her sharp teeth into his ankle, and placed her venom into his bloodstream; meanwhile, Jacob closed his fangs around Bella's torso and ripped her in half while the ramification of the poison took effect. He fell backward onto a patch of flowers; his lifeline fading quickly as he found that he was human once more.

"Nessie, no! Don't-don't leave me!" Jacob cried out, extending his hand for hers but all he received was a gust of wind wrapping around his body.

"_Let go, my Jacob. You can let go now." _She soothed him.

. . .

. . .

_Said he's seen my enemy_

_Said he looked just like me_

_So I set out to cut myself_

_And here I go…_

_James Blunt, "Same Mistake"_

The shadow of man dragging his feet—as though he had been beaten with a savage's club and was forced to walk on broken glance—through a familiar pathway. He had no home to return this time, and he had made sure of that once he buried Bella's torn body next to Renesmee's grave.

It was like déjà vu—traveling on millions of dark roads on a suicidal quest, his mental health going to shreds with each passing second, and again begging Aro to end it all. And like before, the Volturi leader declined.

"Hear me out, dear Edward, before you act irrational. Be intelligent, and join our ranks," Aro offered like the slimy serpent he was. "At last, there can be a place here for you amongst us like there is for our newest member, Nahuel. Well? What do you say?"

Aro was a snake, a merciless fiend, and a villain. If he were to unite forces with the Volturi, it was very possible Edward would transform into everything he didn't want to be—the monster he was afraid of.

"I accept."

**-Yeah, so this was what I imagine what would have happened if Jacob and Edward got their shared wish on Bella's abortion. Thank goodness all went well, and Nessie was born! :)**

**-I know nothing about abortions or how a vampire doctor would attempt to perform one on a very pregnant Bella and a halfie hybrid. *shrug* So don't bitch about it to me if I got it wrong.**

**-Blackwater? A bad idea in any reality, in my opinion.**

**-Why the Nahuel cameo? Well, the whole Volturi/Cullen conflict was definitely a turning point in Nahuel's life where he had started to forgive himself. Without Nessie and Bella, I think he'd end up with Edward's insanity.**

**-No flames.**


End file.
